Hello parents! Are you ready for an inspiring journey into the world of parenting multiples? In today's Expert Insights, meet Polly, a loving mother of twins and a singleton. She utilised her experiences as a twin mum and became a certified Sleep Consultant who doesn't believe in the Cry-It-Out method. Read on to discover more!
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Hello Polly! Please introduce yourself and your family to our readers. When did you arrive in Singapore and how has it been for you?
Hi I'm Polly, a mother of twins plus a singleton. I arrived in Singapore a year and a half ago but I had previously lived in Hong Kong for seven years and that’s where I had my three children. I adore both locations and am loving life in Singapore––it's so easy with kids! I’m currently running my own sleep consultant business called Hush Club. I am extremely passionate about helping other mothers of multiples and especially ones that have a singleton to add to the mix!
What inspired you to become a sleep consultant? Can you share the journey of how you transitioned from being a twin mum to pursuing a career in sleep consulting?
Hush Club started when my twins were eight months old and their sleeping, or lack of it, became a real problem. They became grumpy, frustrated, lethargic, unsettled and were not meeting their developmental milestones. As for myself, I was at the point of breaking. I couldn't see through the fog of sleep deprivation accumulated over a long and tiring eight month duration.
I pondered to myself, why were they no longer happy?
The answer was simple. Everything pointed to broken sleep and something I was doing wrong! They were too tired to learn or to be happy!
What was I doing wrong? The answer to this question took me on a sleep journey. I discovered that I had created many sleep barriers for my twins, probably because I was a first-time mum. Being a mummy of multiples is no mean feat! My twins had had a bumpy ride into the world, born at 32 weeks with many hospital challenges and I had not fully addressed how being a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) mummy can impact the way you parent.
I think sleep was an issue partially because I had many underlying fears about my twin’s bumpy start. Another reason is that preemie babies sleep differently as compared to full term babies and there isn’t much relevant information out there. Also, what mother of newborn twins has time to be researching their twins' seemingly strange sleep patterns. My twins literally behaved like unborn babies until they were 8 weeks old and then newborns. This in itself can be quite alarming!
The solution of my twin’s sleep problems always pointed to sleep training. However, when I looked into it, most people suggested the Cry-It-Out (CIO) or timed interval sleep methods which was personally not for us.
This was when I started reading and researching sleeping methods and techniques. I was determined to find a gentle approach that would suit my family and didn't break the bank.
The more I read, the more it fascinated me! It was like putting a puzzle together for each baby. I decided to become a fully qualified and certified baby sleep consultant. I wanted to learn more about baby sleep and share my experience. My twins were my first clients and are now thriving, bubbly, rambunctious kids that meet every single milestone and sleep through the night. They actually look forward to going to bed!
When my third baby came along, I had to put my money where my mouth is, and put my methods to the test in my own home again. Plus developing strategies for how you handle three children two and under. I’m relieved to say my methods worked! As well as being an incredibly happy, rascally little chap that doesn't stop smiling and is meeting every single milestone, he has slept through the night since he was very little.
What steps did you take to acquire the necessary skills and knowledge to become a sleep consultant?
My first step was to read, read, and read! I then spoke with a sleep consultant that lived near to me and told her how I would like to become a sleep consultant for twins. She recommended different ‘sleep schools’ that I could train through and I chose the one that fitted my requirements the best. I was incredibly lucky that she also lent me a lot of sleep books so I could be as well rounded as possible. I studied while my twins slept. It was very hard work but I was determined.
How do you incorporate your personal experiences as a twin mum into your approach as a sleep consultant? Could you share some common challenges parents face when it comes to twin sleep, and how you advise overcoming them?
Sleep training twins is different from a single baby. You have to consider cot positions, learn the best tricks to comfort two at once, so everyone can get the most amount of sleep possible but you also have to consider the actual logistic of twin babies, how do you hold two, how do you feed two at once, how do you get two ready for bed at the same time etc… And then how do you stop them waking each other!
I always tell clients to use their multiple situations to their advantage and while they are little, have them in the same cot, co bedding. The NHS recommends this for twins, if you do it safely and correctly, it has many health benefits but also allows them to become acclimated to the rustles and noises of their sibling.
When they are bigger and need their own sleeping space, I suggest positioning their cots in a L formation or head-to-head so you can reach into two cots at once to use in-cot comfort.
When it comes to the bedtime routines, I highly recommend the Twin Z pillow. It can double up as a station to put your twins comfortably to change or read a story, and is also a great seat for bottle feeding and breastfeeding. I did both!
I also recommend keeping your twins on the same schedule by no more than 15 minutes. This means feeding at the same time or within 15 minutes of each other and waking one no more than 15 minutes after the first twin has woken up.
I think the most important tip is to adjust their sleep age to their due date age and not their birth date. For example, if your twins were born at 32 weeks, adjust it by 8 weeks so they are on a younger sleep schedule.
For parents with children in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) or Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU), what advice do you have for managing the emotional and practical aspects of this experience?
This is a big one! Celebrate every single small graduation. Celebrate when they move from being fully intubated to only nasal oxygen fed, celebrate when their oxygen level is lowered, when their central line is removed. Celebrate when their NG tube is removed and when all the wires have gone! And then the ultimate win of moving to the SCBU and finally coming home! Literally every small thing is a graduation!
I also wish someone had told me not to blame myself.
It's not your fault if your little ones are in the NICU and I wish someone had explained to me they will probably come home at different times too.
I also made it my mission to pump and deliver milk to the NICU. This meant that every single day, 16 bottles of milk needed to be pumped, frozen and delivered and 16 bottles coming home to be cleaned, sterilised and re-filled. On reflection this was an added stress that I probably should have put more thought into. I don’t think I would change doing this but I would definitely consider supplementing with formula if I was in this position again.
How does the NICU experience differ for parents of twins compared to singletons, and what should parents of twins anticipate during their time there?
All three of my children were born prematurely. My twins spent a month in the NICU and SCBU and my singleton only one week in the SCBU. These are vastly different wards. The NICU was terrifying, I can still smell the cleaning products and the smell of the hand sanitiser. I wasn’t able to meet my twins for 48 hours and then it was quite a few days before I could hold them, this is not a natural thing. I felt guilty when I was with one twin and not the other and the constant beeping of machines was enough to put anyone on edge. It was also heartbreaking when visiting hours were over and I needed to leave them. However, I made the most out of this time. While I could not hold them I would sing them songs, and read them stories. I just wanted them to know I was there. Once I could touch them I would stroke them through their boxes so they could feel my touch. After I was told I could hold them, I did Kangaroo Care, also known as skin-to-skin care. It is normally used as in the first few hours after birth for most newborns. This was such a special thing even though they were nearly a week old!
Remember your partner too, in the whirlwind of the NICU stay. At the start, I forgot to check if my husband was ok. When I did so, turns out he wasn't feeling alight–he was probably finding the whole situation tougher than I did. I could do things, like pumping, to make myself feel useful.
He felt completely powerless and found seeing the twins so vulnerable, without being able to do anything, really challenging!
He was also having to work and found the battle of being work present (even only online) and staying focused almost impossible, while all he really wanted to do was help his new born babies!
What are some key adjustments parents need to make when transitioning twins from the NICU to home? Any specific challenges they may encounter?
Expect them to come home at different times. While they’re in the NICU, try to get as much rest as possible, though I know this is easier said than done. Once home, hit the show running! Have a grab bag ready in their pram, with nappies, spare clothes, muslins etc… and then take them out the very next day for a quiet walk in their pram to an open space like a park. This is good for normality but also very good for your mental health! Do expect people to peer into their pram and even gather around. There is nothing cuter than two little babies cuddled up together, but don't feel bad at all about saying, "Please don’t get so close. They are only just out of intensive care and are very vulnerable." Eventually, you will start to enjoy this twin celebrity status but only once you are comfortable with people getting closer. I always had a firm rule about looking from afar but never touching.
Do you have any advice for other parents of twins or triplets navigating sleep challenges, especially those with older or younger children who are on different sleep schedules?
Set up stations around the house. In my case, I had a younger singleton but my two-year-old twins still needed me to play with them. So, I had a baby pod for my singleton in the twins playroom that I could put him into while I played a game or two with the twins. I had a baby safe bean bag next to their beds so I could read all three a bedtime story and give the twins their pre-bedtime cuddle and I had a waterproof, baby pod in the bathroom that I could pop the baby onto while I bathed the twins. Bath time in my house is the last hurrah of the day and so it could get quite splashy!
If your twins are the second born, I highly recommend the Twin Z pillow as an excellent baby station option!
What are some useful tips for getting out and about with twins, whether it's running errands or going on outings?
Invest in multiple transport options! Different horses for different courses!
When my twins were babies, we lived in Hong Kong but I think these things would apply here in Singapore. Get two baby carriers, get Doonas for taxis and then get a brilliant double buggy. I had a tandem iCandy, which I adored! It could become a double or single buggy (I used it as a single while they could both fit in one basket). It had a footprint of a single buggy so getting through doors or on and off a bus was no problem. When my third was born I was able to add a buggy board on the back to transport three about. I was also gifted a side-by-side mountain buggy. This probably had a longer life span because as my twins got older, they wanted to be side by side and see their best buddy! I also had two cabin friendly strollers for travelling, although this isn’t necessary, as you can take a double buggy to the gate.
How do you recommend parents manage the logistics of outings when they have twins and a singleton? Any strategies for ensuring everyone's needs are met?
Go simple, pack snacks, water and nappies and relax! If you are calm your little ones will be too. If they miss their nap or it's shorter than normal because you’re out and about for a special occasion it's ok! Make it up a little later! Life is for living… Be brave! We are lucky enough to have helpers in Singapore so let your helper assist you out and about if you have one.
There is no shame in having help!
Any final advice to share?
It’s a hell of a ride but it's really the most wonderful adventure! Be kind to yourself and remember: "The days may be long, but the years are short!"
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Thank you for generously sharing your experience and advice with us, Polly! We hope that it inspires and encourages all parents, especially those with twins, triplets, or multiple aged kids experiencing sleep issues.
Polly is a certified baby sleep consultant who specialises in gentle sleep training methods, twins sleep coaching and newborn sleep. She can be contacted over at Hush Club.
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