For parents of twins, triplets and higher order multiples, understanding their children's unique growth is crucial. In this article, we are thrilled to have fraternal twins Anna and Faye tell us about their growing up experiences from shared interests to having opposite identities. Join us as we uncover the joys and challenges of growing up as twins as we interview them separately before combining their answers for this Spotlight article.
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Hi Faye! Hi Anna! Thank you for agreeing to share your experiences with us. Could you please introduce yourselves to our readers?
Anna: Hi! I'm Anna, the older twin. My siblings (Faye and Jack) and I each manage three hawker stalls in the CBD area called Coffee Break, where we sell traditional coffee, tea, and toast. We have one younger sister called Fj.
Faye: Hello! My name is Faye, and I am the younger twin. I am 37 this year, and I’ve been working with my twin at our hawker business for the past 10 years in Singapore.
Did you ever experience any misconceptions or stereotypes about twins, and how did you handle them?
“How come you guys don’t look alike?”
Anna: Yeah, we hear a lot of, "You guys are twins? You don't look alike!" Usually, we explain that we're fraternal twins—where two eggs are fertilised by two separate sperms. In reality, we feel more like siblings born at different times. Some people have a misconception that twins would usually look alike but that's not always the case. I think it's good to let people recognize that twinship doesn't always equate to identical appearance or traits. We may however have the same mannerisms which explains why people would still mistake us for each other, with our masks on. Whenever that happens, we just go with the flow, and take on each other’s identity. Haha!
Faye: The common stereotype comment we get is, “How come you guys don’t look alike?” and we usually tell them it’s because it’s two eggs and two sperms, so there’s no splitting of one embryo. Actually, I don’t even know if that is scientifically accurate, but people buy the story!
The other stereotype we get is “Do you guys have telepathy?” and we usually say no. I feel it is more that we understand each other’s habits so well that we know what each other is thinking or feeling, having spent so much time together growing up.
Growing up, how similar (or different) are your personalities and interests?
Anna: Our personalities are poles apart. Faye is louder and more of an extrovert, while I am the quieter one. However, because we're so accustomed to each other's habits, I feel like, personality aside, we share similar habits. For instance, we're both rather meticulous when it comes to tidiness and sticking to daily routines. I don't know if it's just a Virgo trait, but it is what it is! However, we don't have similar interests... judging by what appears on our TikTok content, we don't necessarily enjoy each other's timelines, haha!
Faye: I think we have pretty similar interests because we’ve been exposed to similar things like music and TV shows growing up. But as we started on different paths post-secondary school, our exposure to different viewpoints and friends gave us different experiences. Personality-wise, I think we are very different. I am quite outgoing and vocal, and Anna tends to be the opposite. She can be much more chatty than I am in private though!
What was it like growing up as twins in a large family setting? Have the four of you (together with elder brother Jack and younger sister Fj) always been close?
Anna: I don't feel any different growing up as twins in a large family setting compared to not being a twin. We've always been close as a family, and we all fondly reminisce about our shared experiences from time to time.
Faye: Yes, we have all been relatively close growing up. But I think the closeness strengthened as we became adults and matured in our thinking. For Jack, Anna and myself, it also helped that we understood each other and grew much more when we started running our hawker business together.
Also, because Anna and I are considered the “middle child”, it was helpful that we had each other to depend on because we got kind of overlooked a lot. Jack was the only son, and FJ was the baby of the family, so we kind of grew up on our own devices. But we had each other all the time so it never got lonely.
To be honest, I just cannot imagine growing up without a twin! I cannot fathom how regular kids do it, hahaha.
Can you share any memorable or funny anecdotes from your childhood that highlight the dynamics of being twins?
Anna: There was once Faye accidentally caused a small collision with her bicycle and a little girl got hurt and bleeding profusely. I bore the brunt of the scoldings by that little girl's Mom for Faye, because she was too afraid to face her demons. Looking back now, it was quite scary! I guess I realised at that moment the additional obligation of being the older twin.
Faye: The memory that pops up most is when Anna and I attend family weddings or gatherings where we meet distant relatives that we don’t see often. After we are introduced as twins, they always exclaim “Oh, but they don’t look alike!”. It has been happening since we were young, and it still happens in our adulthood. I find that quite amusing.
Identity issues have been known to be a pain point for multiples such as twins, triplets and quadruplets. Did you experience that when you were growing up?
No, I never experienced identity issues growing up with Faye as my twin. I believe it’s largely because we're fraternal twins.
Anna: No, I never experienced identity issues growing up with Faye as my twin. I believe it’s largely because we're fraternal twins. Since we look so different from each other, we've never encountered challenges with our individual identities. We're distinct individuals with unique personalities.
Faye: Either we were really oblivious, or I don’t think we had any pain points that stuck out. Maybe academic comparison, but I do think that is unfair because Anna is so talented in the arts in ways that I could never be, and that often gets overlooked. She is so brilliant despite being quiet, she never really gets recognized for her own strengths. I may have overshadowed her during our growing up years because of my loud personality, which I have only started thinking about when I entered young adulthood. But according to Anna, she doesn’t think the same when I shared these thoughts with her. I suppose that’s good!
How has your bond as twins evolved over the years, and what are some activities or common interests you enjoy as adults?
Anna: We've always maintained a close bond, even when we attended different schools and pursued different career paths in the past. At this moment, we simply relish the comfort and stability of our individual lives, despite living apart from one another. The recent additions to our family, our nieces, have prompted us to visit each other more frequently. Right now, we've developed a habit of creating memes featuring our nieces and sharing them in our family chat for a good laugh. We're growing into the habits of boomers, together!
Faye: We still enjoy the same things, such as spending a slow morning drinking kopi or teh in our own homes (I am married and have moved out for 8 years already!). I do enjoy sports as I play a lot of beach volleyball, and so does Anna.
We understand that the both of you work together at Coffee Break as well. Does your twin bond help things get done any better or faster? Are communications at work much smoother because of how well you both know each other?
Anna: Yes of course! There are moments when we're so in sync that we don't even need to verbalise our thoughts; we intuitively understand what the next move should be. We'd always have moments of "Yeah, I would've done the same as you," or "That's what I would've said."
Faye: Oh yes, definitely. The dynamics between Anna and I are very much different from the dynamics between Anna and Jack or Jack and I.
Because we understand each other’s personality, character and habits, there is a lot of unspoken understanding when we have nuances in our working style that our brother Jack just cannot seem to grasp.
Looking back, how would you describe your parents’ approach to raising both of you? What did you like the most about it, and what would you have changed?
Anna: In the past, our parents were deeply dedicated to their careers to provide for our family. With five of us, we were quite a handful, so we were primarily cared for by our maids. Despite this, growing up in a large family brought us comfort and closeness. Witnessing our parents' commitment to both work and family inspired us to do the same. Their emphasis on family time gave us a strong sense of security. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.
Faye: My parents' approach was to practise what you preach––they never forced us to pursue anything we didn’t like. I think it is something that back in the day worked well, but difficult to impose in the current generation for raising kids. I wouldn’t have changed anything though!
In your opinion, what should parents of multiples avoid doing in order to nurture their children to be confident individuals?
Anna: In our family, we've never experienced comparisons between one another, which I believe contributed to a sense of individual belonging grounded in our own merits. We're allowed to grow at our own time and pace. So I think not pitting children against one another helps in character development.
Faye: I think unknowingly, most parents tend to compare between their own children, or even as adults we tend to compare children, whether in school or as a passing remark about another kid we are watching from afar. It’s a pretty subconscious action, but I do think that can be controlled.
Lastly, can you share any advice or insights for other twins or siblings based on your own experiences?
Anna: Be the bigger person, you'll sleep better at night.
Faye: I think family ties really go a long way. Whether there are huge disagreements or fights, in the end we are still family, and forgiveness is always the best way to go!
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Thank you Anna and Faye for taking time to do this with us. We really enjoyed hearing both of your responses. Some of the answers certainly made us reflect on our roles as parents of twins and triplets.
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