Are you currently expecting twins, triplets or quads and wondering how life would be when they all arrive?
Indeed, taking care of multiple newborns is a challenge that needs thorough planning and strong support, especially for those who have older children at home.
In the first of our Spotlight series, we interview three triplet mothers from Singapore, Ain, Claire and Endina, on their personal experiences navigating postpartum life.
–––
Get to know them below:
Ain is a mother of toddler TCTA triplets, consisting of two girls and one boy.
Claire has DCTA triplet boys and a firstborn who is 2.5 years older. Follow them here.
Endina is a mother of a large family comprising five kids – a teenage boy, a tween boy, and DCTA triplet girls in primary school.
1) What was your postpartum arrangement like? How was the experience?
Ain: My triplets were born prematurely at 29+4 weeks and spent almost 3 months in the hospital’s Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and special Care Nursery (SCN). During the initial postpartum months, my mum came over to help cook and accompany me at home. As the triplet babies were not home yet, I made use of the time to focus on recovery.
Somehow it was a blessing in disguise that they were born earlier.
I am blessed with strong family support. As we do not have a domestic helper, my mum stayed over on weekdays when all three children were discharged and came home. Occasionally, my brother would come over to help us out.
Claire: We knew from the get-go that we would have to have confinement help and also hire a domestic helper. Our parents do not know how to look after newborns, and we needed help with our older child. Logistically we would have to have 2 nannies, and planned to also hire 2 helpers eventually.
Since I had confinement help with my firstborn, I went back to the same agency for familiarity and convenience. However, the agency took a long time to get back to me and eventually turned me down as they could not find 2 suitable nannies. I went on to contact almost all confinement agencies in Singapore only to be rejected, with cited reasons such as unavailability and/or unsuitability of their staff to handle multiples.
By this time I was panicking as I was already 3 months pregnant. My friend who was doing her confinement at that time asked if I was open to hiring a freelance nanny instead. By God's grace, through her contact I got to know a nanny who was very experienced in handling twin babies. We had a video call quickly, connected, and I paid the deposit. She requested to find the other working nanny herself as she needed to work with someone she had camaraderie with.
This partnership proved to work very well. They split their tasks without fighting, and very often joked and laughed while caring for the babies. It was like 2 sisters caring for me. I enjoyed their company a lot and spent a lot of time in their room chatting with them when the babies were asleep. They took very good care of me and I attribute my physical recovery to their meticulous care.
However, midway through my confinement period I hit a roadblock. We found out by chance that my domestic helper stopped taking her blood pressure medication and nearly went into hypertensive crisis. She requested to go home in the middle of my confinement and I was floored. I tried to search for another helper and my agency said that it would take another 3 months before they could come. This time I went ahead to hire 2 helpers.
To tide me through this whole ordeal and transition, we had no choice but to hire a babysitter after the nannies left. The babysitter mainly cared for the triplets while my helper cooked and cleaned.
Endina: Until the triplets turned two, we had two domestic helpers. Now, at seven years old, we've been without assistance since they were around four. Both my mom and mother-in-law took turns caring for the triplets when they were babies. We maintained a mini journal/diary to log feeding and diaper changes, ensuring efficient communication among all caregivers. While the helpers handled various household chores, the responsibility of caring for the babies fell on me, my husband, and our parents.
Despite occasional clashes between our helpers, regular house meetings helped resolve conflicts.
2) In hindsight, would you have done things differently?
Ain: I don’t think so. 😅
Claire: Initially I thought I would see how I could cope with just myself and 1 helper, before deciding to hire another helper. However, in hindsight I should have interviewed and hired 2 helpers, then planned to have the 2nd helper arrive just slightly before the nannies left.
Endina: I'm immensely thankful for all the support we received. As the saying goes, it truly takes a village to raise children. With two older kids before the triplets, the adjustment was challenging in the early years.
The external help was crucial, enabling me to spend quality time not only with the triplets but also with my two older children. Their assistance has been invaluable in navigating the complexities of raising a larger family.
3) Any tips/advice for expectant parents of multiples or multiple children?
Ain: With multiples, there is a higher risk your babies will be preterm. If that happens, don’t blame yourself or be too stressed about it. The initial days might be stressful because you will be worried how your babies are doing. They may also be diagnosed with medical conditions. What’s important is to stay positive and take care of yourself. Use the time to recover well and express as much breast milk as you can because once all of them are back, you may be too busy to pump.
Family support is very important too. If you feel you will need their help, talk to them on how you might need them to be involved. If you need a domestic helper, try to hire them early so you have time to train and settle them in before your babies come home.
Teamwork between husband and wife is very important. Communicate and check on each other’s well-being often. No doubt it is exhausting to take care of multiples, there are many joyous moments too. 🤪🤪🤪
Claire: If you do not have family help, and can afford hired help, just do it. The sheer fatigue and exhaustion with dealing with newborn multiples is just beyond imagination. Getting help also ensures the safety of not only the babies, but also the caregivers.
You can earn the money back, but not your sleep, life, or sanity.
Endina: Accept the assistance offered by others and prioritise clear communication and healthy boundaries to maintain harmony in the household. As moms, it's common to give more than we can, often neglecting our own well-being.
Recognizing the importance of setting limits is crucial for both physical and mental health. There's no one-size-fits-all solution, and flexibility is key—adjusting to the evolving needs of family members ensures a more balanced and sustainable caregiving approach.
–––
A huge thank you to our interviewees, Ain, Claire, and Endina for sharing their experiences with us so generously!
We hope the personal experiences shared above are inspiring and helpful for you. The postpartum days can be long and extremely trying, but everything can be overcome with love, help, and teamwork.
Wish to be featured or have any tips to share with our community? Drop us a note here!
All content from this website, including images, cannot be reproduced without credits or written permission from Multiples Matter.
